One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
