she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
