grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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