I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
