what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
