There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
