babies were throwing up all over the place
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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