Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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