i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
