whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
