it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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