you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You're like the curious george of whores
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
