Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
