I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
