he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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