my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
