I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
