At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
