i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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