he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
