Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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