R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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