I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
