I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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