I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
