At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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