Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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