just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
