whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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