It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
