I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
