I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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