why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
