all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
