It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
