so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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