he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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