Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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