wat bout pragnant strippers??
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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