Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
