I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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