I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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