I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
