Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
