i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
