I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
