dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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