the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
