I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
