I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
